Queer Test
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer.
It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet...f@ggot.
2. If you have a cat, you are a homo.
A cat is like a dog, but queer -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're pitched, you're so queer.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord.
A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or
. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a ***.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship.
A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as camp as a row of tents.
A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too.
6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes.
A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is; you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are poofter.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it; you're dying to tune a meat whistle.
A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.
OH YEAH... IF THIS POST OFFENDS YOU, YOUʼRE A HOMO TOO!
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer.
It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet...f@ggot.
2. If you have a cat, you are a homo.
A cat is like a dog, but queer -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're pitched, you're so queer.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord.
A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or
. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a ***. 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship.
A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as camp as a row of tents.
A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too.
6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes.
A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is; you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are poofter.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it; you're dying to tune a meat whistle.
A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.
OH YEAH... IF THIS POST OFFENDS YOU, YOUʼRE A HOMO TOO!
